Search terms that lead people to my blog are a continual source of amusement for me. The latest is “working with awkward middle age power struggle woman”. You have to feel sorry both for the poor soul who Googled that phrase and for the fifty-ish socially inept desperado who inspired the search.

Courtesy of Dictionary.reference.com, here are the definitions:

awk·ward

awkward pronunciation

–adjective

1. 

lacking skill or dexterity; clumsy.
2. 

lacking grace or ease in movement: an awkward gesture; an awkward dancer.
3. 

lacking social graces or manners: a simple, awkward frontiersman.
4. 

not well planned or designed for easy or effective use: an awkward instrument; an awkward method.
5. 

requiring caution; somewhat hazardous; dangerous: an awkward turn in the road.
6. 

hard to deal with; difficult; requiring skill, tact, or the like: an awkward situation; an awkward customer.
7. 

embarrassing or inconvenient; caused by lack of social grace: an awkward moment
8. 

Obsolete . untoward; perverse.
Let’s consider each definition separately:
  1. Aging circus strongwoman drops teen co-performer. She is still exceptionally strong, so instead of having an honest chat about using a different hold, the young man takes the coward’s way and attempts to discredit her using a “social disorder” he found on WebMD.
  2. Middle-aged cocktail waitress has an exacerbation of gout, becomes crabby with pain and slows down considerably. Her barely of age to drink manager is frustrated. Wanting to couch her termination in terms of her general awkwardness, not actual illness, he turns to Google for assistance.
  3. Fifty year old woman prefers to be left alone, co-worker will not stop dropping by her office to chat. Each woman thinks the other is awkward, middle-aged and jockeying for power. Complications ensue.
  4. Woman is born with two left arms. It doesn’t pose a problem until she is hired as a “greeter” at Meijer’s. The elder greeter assigned to train her does an internet search in hopes of finding a way to help her wave and shake hands with mostly right-handed customers.
  5. Woman becomes dangerously angry when her pubescent manager comments that “you must be really, really happy when cashiers card you.” The frightened manager thinks the woman is after her job, turns to Google only after Facebook plea for help goes unanswered because all of her friends are too busy drinking heavily and posting photos of the aftermath of too much Jagermeister.
  6. Recent college grad, shiny and optimistic, is dismayed to find that all the senior members of her sales team are jaded by years of 70 hour weeks and almost constant failure.
  7. Fifty-two year old woman has meltdown when her children leave for college, her husband leaves her and she is forced to acknowledge that her mother was right about everything. Despite just having read Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood, the woman’s book club doesn’t know how to deal with the constant crying.
  8. Woman turns fifty, is no longer visible unless she acts inappropriately. Having nothing to lose, she decides to “just do it”. Her new co-worker wonders about the leather leggings and leopard print Georgette blouses. He turns to the internet for help.
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