We were iced in today, and to me that means nap time. Three hours later my husband had taken the kids to the store and returned with Double Stuf Oreos and ice cream. This is why I am in charge of Health and Safety in my house. The challenge of a Double Stuf Oreo is turning it into a Quadruple Stuf Oreo. On the off-chance that you don’t indulge in the Crisco-powdered sugar filled cookies (and why would you, really, if you were interested in living a nice long life), this is how you make the quad-stuf.

  1. Carefully, so as not to disturb the flat, snowy white surface of fat and sugar, remove one chocolate wafer from cookie.
  2. Eat wafer, enjoying the way chocolate cookie fills the bumpy indentations of your molars. Coffee or milk is good here.
  3. Set aside remaining 2/3 of cookie.
  4. Remove another cookie from package and repeat steps 1-3.
  5. Take reserved cookie parts and press together, chocolate wafers on the outside. Enjoy slowly, repeat as needed.

My daughter is trying to perfect the Octo-Oreo. It’s still in the planning stages but I’ll update you as soon she has made progress. I’m very proud, as any mother would be if her child decided to re-invent an iconic snack food. In an effort to increase the educational value of her endeavor, I’m going to require some graphing, an application of the Pythagorean theorem or the Golden Mean (whichever is more appropriate to the final result) and probably a tri-fold display, science fair style.

We’re watching Zorro tonight, the Antonio Banderas version, made when he was at the peak of sexiness. (There’s nothing like Hollywood to remind one that beauty fades. Don’t get me wrong here, please. I’m sure A B. is a perfectly sweet guy.) There is a scene in  the movie where the Banderas character (the milquetoast Zorro alter ego) duels with the suave bad guy. They duel with polo mallets, on horseback. I think this might be a technique our legislators can use. The fight wouldn’t be to the death, or even incur serious injury. The characters in the movie fall off their horses when struck, and sneer at their opponent from the ground, knowing they are defeated. In the absence of genuine intellectual debate of issues, maybe a test of physical prowess is more straightforward than manipulation of the press and appealing to the baser instincts of a citizenry that refuses to educate itself about important issues.

I’m going to nominate some of the members of my own village council to be the first participants in the new dueling protocol, but I see no reason that it can’t be applied to state or even federal politics. Who do you want to see on a horse with a polo mallet?