A few things that I currently find irksome:

  • My uber-annoying cat, who has been meowing to go out all day long, but when I open the door he looks at the 10 inches of fresh snow and changes his mind. Repeat every 10 minutes for 12 straight hours. I’m ready to put him in a pillowcase and pack the pillowcase in the trunk of my car. Just until the snow melts.
  • My grocery bill. I have spent $28 on milk alone since the beginning of February. Produce: $102; Meat/fish/peanut butter: $98.50. WTF? I can’t decide if prices have gone up or if we are consuming more than usual. Probably the latter. My 11-year-old has gained 5 lbs in the last two weeks. Today, I made oatmeal scones, mainly for myself, and she ate three right from the oven.
  • People who claim that they resent taking the time to eat. Liars.
  • Folks from Michigan who are upset/surprised that we had another snowstorm. Really, are you new here? It isn’t unheard of for us to get snow on Mother’s Day. That’s in May, you know. Snow in May. Just relax and enjoy. Make a snow angel or something.
  • Toys that are not completely, utterly silent.
  • Runny nose, headache, sore throat, earache and inability to maintain my own body temperature. In other words, the last 36 hours of my life.
  • The basket that my daughter taped to the outside of her bedroom door, and the candy canes (yes, from Christmas), suckers and stickers that my son puts in the basket in order to gain entry to her domain.

Enough kvetching, you say? Right, you deserve a fun story.

Some of us got together with our kids, and my son had his plastic handcuffs. Another little boy whipped out his handcuffs, a nice metal pair.

“Wow, Jenny,” I said to his mother. “Those look real. Where did you get them?”

“They are real. Cameron found them in my bedside table. I saw him playing with them out in the yard and had to run outside in my pajamas to pull the fuzzy pink covers off before the neighbors saw them.”

Time to buy a safe.