I wish someone would come to my house, bake me some chocolate chip cookies and fix me a cup of lemon tea. Occasionally, at a friend’s house, I am served delicious food, not for any particular occasion, but just because it’s lunchtime. What a luxury! I need a wife/mother/nanny to move in and take care of me. I am married.  I’m sure, if I spelled out exactly what I was looking for, my husband would do it. But he already does all of the wood hauling, spider killing and garbage removal. Frankly, trying to explain what kind of cookies and tea, where the flour is and that I would like the cookies chewy and please, please not crisp just makes me sleepy. I want someone to anticipate my needs and then pamper me. In other words, I want to be a pop star, with my very own entourage. I’m torn between Lady Gaga and Beyoncé.

Lady Gaga pros: the egg, the hats. Lady Gaga cons: the meat dress, wearing a bathing suit to public appearances.

Beyoncé pros: being gorgeous, the voice. Beyoncé cons: married to Jay-Z (this is a big one)

Clearly, this requires some serious thought. I’ll have to get back to you about my choice.